Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
