areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
