Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
