No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
