honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
