I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
