There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
