just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
