in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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