i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
