I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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