If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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