Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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