it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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