Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize