I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
