I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
