wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
