And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
