worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize