How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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