areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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