she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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