allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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