these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
