His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
