remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he quoted the bible to break up with me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
