Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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