the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
