i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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