my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
a search helicopter?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
