I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
