Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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