So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
