i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
