Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
