This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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