Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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