i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
