You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
