Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we made out on top of his cat.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize