im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was like eating out sand paper
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
