We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
