I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
