Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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