she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
