shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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