Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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