4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
