to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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