She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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