And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
