Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
