so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
