Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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