Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
