Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
