You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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