I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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