she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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