you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
