I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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