i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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