That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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