sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
