how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
