Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
