how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
