bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
