I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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