He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ladies don't puke and tell
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
