Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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