Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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