I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
