ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
