last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
