took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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