I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
