Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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