I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
