fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
