how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
