yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize