OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize