Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found a bag of teeth...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
