my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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