apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
