there's paper in my vomit.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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