You really coming over, don't trick.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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