i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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