I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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