If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
