I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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