Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
