did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pants are for mortals
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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