Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
