Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
