Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
