I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it glows. i had to have it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
